One to One Anger Management Classes
“My anger is out of control”
If you are wanting to solve your anger management issues, I’m here to help with private one to one anger management classes. The classes are designed for you, whether you are:
- wanting to learn how to deal with your anger and aggression towards your partner
- looking to stop your outbursts of anger at your children
- concerned about your vehemence or aggression to total strangers and / or
- wanting ways to handle your frustration and anger at work.
I am an anger management specialist psychotherapist. I bring not only my Anger Management training and over 15 years’ experience of working with clients with anger issues, but also my own personal experience of being angry, aggressive and even, at times, violent, before I brought my temper under control with an anger management programme.
I talked in this television interview on ITV’s Tonight programme about how I overcame my angry and aggressive behaviour and became a facilitator with the “British Association of Anger Management”. With the help of anger management, I am confident you can deal with your anger, too.
“I would like to express my heartfelt thanks for all your encouragement, support and insight.”
What is anger management? Who is it for?
Anger management is for people who at times feel out of control and say and do things they regret. Although it is called anger management, it is really to help you handle high emotions generally, such as feeling anxiety, shame, frustration, stress, upset and hurt. Whether you’ve shocked yourself by hitting someone for the first time; are concerned about the impact of the wounding and mean things you sometimes say; or whether you consider yourself to be an angry person and think you have extreme anger, anger management can help.
“I wish I knew about this earlier”; “I could have done with doing this a year ago”
I regularly get contacted by people only after their anger has cost them things they hold dear – when their marriage has broken down; when their partner has broken up with them; when the police, courts or human resources have been involved. It’s never too late to seek anger management – you can change life ahead of you – but it’s never too early, either.
How do anger management classes help?
Anger management classes give you tools and techniques, so that you don’t go from 0 to 60 in an instant. They explain why we can behave aggressively when we’re angry or upset – what goes on in the brain, and what to do about it – so that you can feel in control of your anger rather than that your feelings are controlling you. They provide methods to calm down and to release your anger in healthy ways, so you can have confidence you can stop saying things you regret and behaving in ways you feel bad about and have negative consequences for you.
To be useful, in my opinion, an anger management programme needs to go further than helping you to contain your temper. As Dr Laura Markham puts it:
“Emotions are useful, like indicator lights on a dashboard. If you saw a blinking red light in your car, you wouldn’t cover it up or tear out the wiring that caused it, right? You would listen to the information and act on it, for instance, by taking your car in for an oil change.”
In classes with me, therefore, we will also look at what is causing your anger and what you can do about it. Preventing feeling angry is much easier than managing anger. And your anger is alerting you to the fact your needs aren’t being met. We’ll look at what changes you can make to live a life which suits you better; in which you’re more fulfilled and content. We’ll look at anger styles and, as part of this, what assertive behaviour looks like – how you can stand up for yourself without being aggressive.
What happens in one to one anger management classes?
One to one anger management classes with me are at once structured – there is a programme of material to be covered – and flexible.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do or share anything you don’t want to share.
The format of a standard session is as follows:
- We will “check-in”. That’s your opportunity to tell me how you’re feeling and if you have any burning issues for the session eg that you want to look at an argument you’ve got into during the week, or have some questions arising from the last class.
- If you’ve told me in your check-in that there’s a situation in your life that you want to address relating to your anger, we’ll look at that together. I will explicitly draw on material from the programme to do so.
- In any time remaining, we’ll cover more of the programme material. I’ll choose which piece taking into account what we’ve done so far and what seems to follow most naturally from that.
i.e. although we’ll cover all the material, we will do so in an organic, rather than linear way. - I’ll recommend things to do / practice before the next session – homework, if you will.
My aim is that you learn what you need to and, at the same time, that you enjoy the process. After initial anxiety, most people are soon telling me that they feel empowered and that they look forward to their classes. And they generally tell me they feel some sadness at coming to an end of the work together.
What you will cover in one to one anger management classes
The anger management course programme falls under 4 main headings.
Tools and rules
I’ll be giving you methods to contain yourself when you are angry, so you don’t say words you can’t take back; text or message vicious things or threats you don’t mean; or do things you regret. I will explain how and why the techniques work, and there will be opportunity for you to practice them and to see for yourself. There will be exercises for calming down when you’re angry, as well as options for releasing your anger in a healthy way. We’ll be looking in detail at how and when to be assertive.
We’ll be covering tips on how to have more notice of an explosion, so that your anger doesn’t catch you unawares. As you may already know, I had an anger management issue. I remember the experience of going from being calm to being violent in an instant. My anger felt completely out of my control. One minute, I’d be talking to my husband and the next second I’d be hitting him. The programme covers the early warning signs to look out for. I was oblivious to them before doing anger management, but they’re there when you know where to look for them.
We’ll cover communication skills, as a lot of conflict stems from misunderstandings and poor communication. As part of this, we’ll cover how to recognise when you’re taking something personally and how to stop doing so. We’ll also focus on how to be assertive.
Last, but not least, stress shortens the fuse, so we’ll also be looking at how stressed you are and tools for reducing the stress in your life.
Anger and the Brain
We’ll spend a little time looking at anger and the brain – In diagrammatic form, I will go through what happens on a physiological basis when you are angry. Understanding the problem is 90% of the solution. Most people find this section of the program empowering and I hope you will too. It draws on models of the brain in books like “The Chimp Paradox” by Prof Steve Peters and “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman. Both are books you may like to read.
Anger styles
You’ve no doubt heard of passive aggression. Maybe you get accused of being aggressive when you don’t think you are being. Losing control and shouting / swearing at people / throwing things etc is only one of many anger styles. Others are more subtle, but still won’t go down well with those around us.
This topic will cover 15 different ways we can be aggressive without losing control, including “interrogating” people with rhetorical questions and winding them up. It’s an important part of the programme, because it’s common for people to switch their anger style rather than stop being aggressive after starting learning anger management. Needless to say, that’s not the solution. Being familiar with these anger styles will help you notice if you’re slipping into using other anger styles, so you can catch yourself.
Sources of anger
Are you sometimes aware that when you are angry, your reaction can be disproportionate?
Have you had the experience of looking back after an argument and being unclear what it was about? Or knowing why you got angry but thinking you shouldn’t have got angry about such a small thing? That it’s ridiculous?
– The things which trigger people to get angry fall into 6 main categories. We’ll go through each of them, to help you see what led you to over-react; or to be angry in those rows which seem inexplicable afterwards; or why it’s understandable that you feel angry when you think you shouldn’t.
That can be a source of relief for people – realising that even if it’s not ok to behave as they have been, it makes sense that they feel as they do.
We’ll also go deeper than that. With each look at a source of anger comes what we can do about it; what we can do to calm ourselves and also what we can do to prevent the trigger. – Even when you know what triggers your anger, it’s much easier to avoid getting angry than to manage your anger. Prevention is better than cure. Prevention is a major focus of this part of the course.
And, as I’ve already said, we won’t just go through the programme point by point. All the parts together comprise the whole picture. I’ll be covering it in an order that seems to best make sense, bearing in mind what prompted you to contact me and what, if anything, you already know about anger management. And I’ll be linking the material to what’s bothering you on the day of the class in question.
What are the benefits of one to one anger management classes over groups?
- One to one anger management classes are ideal if you feel reluctant to share personal information in a group setting or if the prospect of learning in a group is daunting to you.
- One to one classes mean the time is all yours and I can tailor the material around your specific anger issues.
- One on one sessions are more informal than group work. I can adjust the way I deliver the material to suit you. There is the opportunity to “stray off topic”, if relevant.
- Individual sessions give time and space to explore your anger at your own pace.
- Because I can work around your schedule, we can arrange one to one anger management classes at times that work for you. You can complete the programme in less time than working in a group as we’ll be entirely focused on your situation.
“The programme is helping me a LOT. It has put me on an upwards trajectory” Client 7 weeks into her classes – 2021
How long do the classes last and how much does it cost?
Each private anger management class lasts 60 minutes. I can cover the programme with you in 16 classes.
The cost for 16 classes is £1,400.
Generally, it works best to have a class on a weekly basis. At times, people can benefit from twice-weekly classes at the start and sometimes people like to have fortnightly sessions towards the end of the programme.
How to sign up for one to one anger management classes
“Thank you for all of your support during the course. It has helped me hugely, and has been completely invaluable. I hope you know how great you are at this! Thank you again.”
I work with people in the UK in person and online ie via Zoom or a similar platform.
Just ring, text or email me: info@stopseeingred.co.uk and we can arrange an initial, hour-long, consultation. The cost of the consultation is £90. The purpose is for you to get a feel for how I work before you commit to going ahead. I will also help you get started with your learning and will use the time to double-check that the programme I offer is likely to suit your needs.
It’s then just a question of looking at our diaries for when it would suit us both for you to start the set of classes.
If you’re unsure about whether the programme is for you, you’re welcome to contact me for a short, no-obligation call.
Is one to one anger management the same as therapy for anger?
Anger management is not the same as therapy for anger. You can do both, or a combination of the two, with me.
Anger management classes are psycho-educational and practical. They help you understand from a physiological point of view why you can say or do things you regret when you’re angry and what you can do about it. They give you tools to calm down when angry and teach you how you can be assertive rather than aggressive. There are opportunities for practicing the techniques.
Anger management classes help you understand why you feel as angry as you do and what you can do to avoid getting angry as often or to such a degree, such as helping you to stop taking things personally, improving the ways you communicate, and making changes in your life.
If you discover through anger management, or already know, that what is triggering your anger in the present is reminders of things that happened to you in the past, ie if you know that you’re over-reacting in the present because of your life experiences, that’s where therapy for anger comes in. I am a psychotherapist specialising in anger and trauma. I offer therapy for anger including EMDR which is a specialist trauma therapy. Traumatic memories are not memories in the normal sense, but are re-livings. EMDR helps you to process your trauma so that you turn the re-livings into normal memories. Normal memories arise when needed but don’t pollute the present, so you can live a calmer life day-to-day.
