The Guardian Interview: A moment that changed me
Monisha Rajesh undertook the programme with Florence Terry and wrote about what she learned in the Guardian. It appears here with her kind permission:
This article first appeared in the Guardian newspaper
Most new parents are made aware of postnatal depression and the symptoms to look out for. But nobody mentions the rage, which I experienced during lockdown.
Exhaling through gritted teeth, I surveyed the kitchen floor, which was now covered in splinters of pale wood – miniature utensils and tiny saucepans scattered in between. With a flicker of annoyance, I reached for the broom; I had spent two hours on Christmas morning assembling that toy kitchen set and now it was smashed to smithereens.
My daughters, then one and three, stood in silence by the dining table and guilt engulfed me like flames. “Mama, your leg is bleeding,” said my three-year-old. I looked down to where a splinter was sticking out of my right shin. I don’t know what had triggered that moment of rage, all I can remember is scrabbling around for things to throw: sticky tape, a slightly mouldy satsuma, and then spotting the kitchen set, raising it high above my head and hurling it to the floor, so hard that a tile had broken. What I do remember is that the impact was delicious, all my pent-up tension freed in an instant.